Parents always want to educate their children in the best possible way, but they cannot always do it as they would like. There are many factors that affect this educational process, for example: lack of time due to impossible work schedules, the child's own character, the resources that parents have, etc.
One of the most important factors and one that we adults never usually notice is the use of language. Most parents are unaware of the words they use when talking to their children. Words have the power to create and destroy. This is the impact of negative words on children.
As children grow, they build their personality. The type of language used in parent-child communication will be decisive since adults will be the role model and the little ones will believe everything that is said to them.
The words that are used may seem harmless and that they serve to forge the character and discipline of the children, but depending on the way in which we use them it can affect the child on a psychological level and influence their behavior. When negative phrases are used, even if they are only said once, the only thing we get are actions such as:
- Label the children. If we label them with words like: "clumsy", "liar", etc. The child ends up believing it and they condition their behavior by creating a feeling of insecurity.
- Blackmail. With phrases such as: "You are going to kill me out of disgust" the only thing that is achieved is that the child feels guilty for acts outside of him and believes that he is responsible for everything negative that happens.
- Being perfectionist. Phrases like: "if you don't get more than an 8 on the exam, it's as if you haven't studied" indicate an excessive demand with which the child is made to believe that he is not good at doing anything and must be continually improving.
- Humiliate. Saying things like "How silly you are" even in a "loving" way will only make them feel sad and useless and if we express ourselves in these terms in public it will only make children withdrawn and insecure.
- Bad predictions. "You will not approve." If children feel that their parents do not believe in them, surely their attitude towards life will be poor and undecided.
- Condition affection. When phrases such as: "Not now, I'm busy" are used, the child may think that he is being rejected, that he does not deserve to be loved and will make him have problems when relating.
- Threaten. "If you don't come, I'm going to go and you'll see." These types of phrases that imply "danger" to the child generate insecurity and fear. Threatening abandonment will foster feelings of dependency.
- Compare. "Your brother is better than you" With these types of phrases you can only create resentment and rivalry between siblings.
Communicating in a positive way prevents aggressiveness develops respect and personal capacity to face difficult times. This type of communication should be encouraged and encouraged in children.
Parents are excellent role models for teaching a multitude of behaviors. The way they express themselves and ask for things will mark the communication style learned by their children. To do this, they must be more aware of the words they use when communicating with children.
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